Question

Thank you for the article on the Choleric personality. Boy, is that me. Do you have any suggestions with regard to children. I have two children. One of which is a borderline super Sanguine. I certainly don't want to send either of them into a depression at any age (That scared me when I read that part of the Choleric personality). They are just 4 and 2. How can I allow for mistakes and imperfection and yet maintain my drive for perfection? Also, do you have any suggestions with regard to nurturing my daughter's Sanguine personality? Any suggestions, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again!

Answer

Hi! The answer is that you CAN'T allow for mistakes and imperfection and MAINTAIN your drive for perfection! LOL!

Kids will make mistakes and they won't be perfect! You're drive for perfection will make them feel inadequate and make them want to distance themselves from you. Or make them little perfectionists themselves who believe that they have to be perfect to be loveable.

You have to ask yourself when you are getting ready to give feedback or correction - what really needs to be said here and what can be left unsaid?

This is what I hear from my mouth a lot of times: "You did good but-" and then I point out the small detail that they missed.

I have to ask myself, how important is that detail? Is there any good reason why I should not just say "You did good!"?

Depending on the age of your kids, you will have plenty of teachable moments down the road, so why not just affirm them and ignore the flaw?

Ignoring the flaw will HURT! LOL! Everything in you will want to point out the flaw!! But this is your opportunity to kill the flesh and love your child more than perfection.

There does come a time when you do need to offer constructive criticism and you still need to ask yourself what can be left unsaid and just give the feedback that is absolutely necessary and resist any accompanying lectures about how many times you have already told them blah, blah, blah. :)

Ok, about the Sanguine daughter. :)

I am high Choleric and my son is high Choleric, but his really goofy sense of humor is starting to tell me that Sanguine is in there trying to come out! LOL! I don't have a big sense of humor. I am fairly serious and I don't like messing around. But, I am realizing that I must learn to accept this part of him and stop always saying "stop it!" when he tries to kid around with me.

I like the word that you used. Nurture. We do have to nurture our kids emerging personalities. We have to learn to recognize what is coming out of them in their teens as the development of a unique and precious child of God. We can't try to hammer them into our very own "Mini Me."

With your Sanguine child, when you see the social butterfly tendencies and the fun loving attitude, affirm it! Tell her how much you enjoy her. Tell her how it pleases you to see that she is such a people person. You can admit that you're different and that you are sometimes impatient with her personality quirks, but that you love her through and through. A Sanguine child still needs to buckle down and be serious now and then and it's your job to help her find the balance,